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Poetry by Steven D. Schroeder
By my copay and deductible, I swear to trust my surgeons
Can bar their general from Medicare, to inquire the length of their
Incisions and their contracts and their performance
At parties, and to search for scalpel stores in the Valpak mailer.
I will learn the most cost-effective vendor of the physician’s art
Is Cuisinart. With Dr. Blender, as seen on TV, I will pharmasy
Cocktails of echinacea lycopene ephedrine protein shake
When I prescribe cabbage cabbage cabbage
after midnight, I will not
Laugh or my insurer might presume the cure insincere. I will not
Let Percocet upset my balance by causing wallet vomit.
If I hum “We’re in the Money” gurneyed in the emergency room,
May my first procedure be free. If “Yes, We Have No Bananas,”
May they make me pay in installments with interest.
Note: I stole the title from Epidemics by Hippocrates
Steven D. Schroeder’s first book of poetry is Torched Verse Ends (BlazeVOX [books]). His poems are available or forthcoming from New England Review, Pleiades, The Journal, The Rumpus, and Verse Daily. He edits the online poetry journal Anti-, serves as a contributing editor for River Styx, and works as a Certified Professional Résumé Writer.
Volume 1, Issue 1
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